"One day, I hope I can sit The Counter, like you."

I've never been too comfortable with being served. I'm talking about like restaurants, hotels, and being the recipient of service industry.

When I go to a hotel, I like to handle my own bags. I don't have 100% trust in the staff or their attentiveness to the security of my belongings. On top of that, I'm an able bodied person. I'm walking to my room anyway, my luggage has wheels for a reason, and I can probably deadlift more than you anyway – and I need the exercise.

At nice restaurants, I find a way appreciate a chef's mastery. Service can only detract from that experience, meaning if I have to ask for something too much to the point where it negatively impacts my experience. I don't expect to be doted on hand and foot, or treated like royalty. I don't deserve it. Nobody deserves that.

At any old hole in the wall or food truck, I find a way to appreciate any value, or creativity, or efficiency, or even the simplicity. I try to find a way to appreciate anything – even in the worst experience.

Cringing at my own reflection.

I was at a sushi omakase the other day and had an experience that made me cringe.  The staff is very nice to me, and at this point I'm a regular, and that means I get the chefs and staff drinks towards the end of the night, and they treat me to a little extra stuff too. It's a fine sushi restaurant -- the chefs are successful and hold some level of esteem.  My experience there isn't just about food, or even conversation. I learn. Read my monozukuri series for more on that.

At the end of the night the chefs were preparing their own cornucopia sushi roll, consisting of all the trim from the night. One of the newer servers approached me and struck up a conversation with me.

It started with banter about the meal itself, where I was from, where he was from, how he got to this city after growing up in Japan and the US, school...

Then he said to me, "Man, I hope one day I can be like you and sit at The Counter" and he pointed to where I was sitting with deference and awe.

I didn't really know how to respond. I redirected to say "Well you can sit at this Counter whenever you want, if you really want to."

He looked down "Well I mean, I don't really... deserve to.. sit at the Counter. At least I haven't earned it. What have I done? What did you do to get here?"

So Japanese! I told him that nobody deserves anything, and nobody doesn't "deserve" anything either. It's about what he wants, and what he prioritizes and/or sacrifices to get what he wants. Where does he draw the line with his own life harmony?

The Zinger.

"Can you tell me how I can become like you? Or how you were about to get here? One day, I hope I can sit The Counter, like you."  He awkwardly laughed and I just wanted to cry.

Well I was happy at least that he didn't think I was some kind of trust fund baby. I was also happy that, with millennials being the fair+"everyone should win" generation, this 19 year old server fell into a different category. Also, since when have I been defined as successful? 10 years ago I was mocked by some, 5 years ago I had to get my computer financed from a close friend because I couldn't even obtain credit approval after living off credit cards in order to pay my staff first. Last, I was sad that he looked at himself in a way like he didn't deserve something, or that he looked at me like I did deserve something when so little was known about me.

I probably said more than I should have said to him. This is what I can remember from that night as I finished off a bottle.

Be careful of jealousy that sources from envy. It leads you to self repressive victimhood.

Nobody likes a victim, even if they pretend to care. And victimhood is a mentality that justifies your lack of success, and infects your goals and plans in life. It's a justification for mediocrity.

What else did you do in order to get here, to the Counter?

Insert personal aphorisms here:

Don't listen to critical people.

If someone is critical of you, ask yourself what motive they have to lead you down this path. Try to understand who they are, where they are coming from, what predispositions they have about their own personal goals and successes. If someone falls into the jealous category about those around them in life, their words are not meaningful. And don't take it personally, because they know not what they really do or why they feel certain ways. Jealous Envyites lie to themselves well.

Engage practical idealism.

Many Principles may derive from other forces and unseen hands. Principles may also be pretentious lies or excuses for fear or failure.

Don't ever show all of you to anyone.

This makes you more immune to manipulation because someone can't really figure you out. It also limits your exposure and breaches of trust for a miscalculated friendship.

Beware of anyone entering into your life when you are working on your goals.

People like to ride coattails to chip away or get something for doing very little. Again, it's often done unconsciously, not in a scheming manner. So don't take it personally when someone views you as a resource, or a vestibule for their own short term goals. People's goals are innately selfish, and they won't align.

When you have a really good opportunity, do everything you can do to beat everyone around you.

If you don't act with 100% vigor, someone else may. And when you achieve this, don't take it for granted. For example, if you are given a low level internship at your dream company, do everything you can to succeed and quietly pander to your superiors.

When taking big risks, minimize your small risks.

At some point, you only have so much luck you can cash in with your boost of guile credits. That means, if you are in a federal lawsuit, don't have more than a drink at happy hour (or don't drink at all). Or if you are elected to congress, don't cheat on your wife or sext the intern. Don't go cliff diving in Phuket.

Don't be intimidated by people's experience or educations.

Preparation and planning is of course important. Just because someone has an MBA at Harvard or worked in a leadership role at a Fortune 500 doesn't mean that they have something over you. These people master their own Personal Brands. While they may have some merits, their isolated experiences can be predictably used against them, or leveraged if you catch them in Personal Brand traps.

Chance.

It's a universal equalizer that nobody really gets everything they want in life. That social safety net propels us to struggle, learn, move on, and then die.

The way that student server looked and talked to me scared me. Those looks can be innocuous, and likely so in his case. They also can be forms of misdirection and flattery. If so, I didn't really take the bait. I avoided overtly aphoristic responses like "Work 18 hours a day" that I hear from many showboaters.

I hope I injected some life force in him to give him hope in playing life's game. Because I'm not that smart, I'm not that well educated, I'm not gregarious or that likable, and I'm not that good looking. But I'm perceptive, passionate, sneakily defensive of my realm, and viciously aggressive in the right situations.